Humiliation. We humans try to avoid it at all costs. Who wants to get embarrassed by someone or something they did? Just the thought of being publicly, hell, even privately humiliated can cause all sorts of feelings. We watch what we say, we are careful who we spill our secrets to, and we try desperately to not slip on that banana peel. But what does it mean if you get off on humiliation or humiliating someone? This week, I am going to examine humiliation and how to make sure you are doing it sanely and safely.
What is Humiliation?
Humiliation is the act of humiliating someone or to reduce someone to a lower position in their own or another’s eyes. In other words, it means to embarrass, shame, mortify, degrade or disgrace. The act of humiliating is to make another person feel those things. In general, I think the consensus is that a person will go to great lengths to avoid humiliation.
But, not every person will go to painstaking lengths to avoid it. There are people out there who want to be degraded. In fact, they get off on getting humiliated, both privately and publicly. And there are people in this world that are more than happy to make that happen for them.
What is Erotic Humiliation?
Erotic humiliation is a subjective act and is used in a few ways. Used as a psychological method, a Top can help a bottom enter subspace. Or it may be used as a form of punishment. It may also just be a specific fetish of the bottom, used as part of their release. Degradation can embody itself in the forms of verbal and physical.
Physical humiliation is where a Top will physically do something that demeans a bottom. Some examples of physical humiliation are stripping your partner bare, turning them into human furniture, using rope to secure them in explicit positions, making them worship your body, controlling their orgasm (denying them release or use of a chastity device), forced anal penetration, cuckolding, JOI and CEI (jerk off instruction and cum eating instruction) and a whole wide range of other things. These things, of course, are done under the pretense of consensual non-consent. You should never attempt to do anything to physically humiliate your partner unless you have had specific negotiations about the act and have been given an explicit green light to go ahead. Even still, pay close attention to the body language of your partner. They may not be quick to speak up if something is not right.
This one gets a lot more complicated than physical humiliation. Why? Well, making someone do a physical act can be a lot less damaging to someone than if you inflict emotional pain. Some examples of verbal humiliation are using belittling pet names, such as slave, boy, girl, pet, piggy, and the like. Closely related would be referring to them using a degrading name, such as slut, bitch, whore, etc. It can also include using insults about them as a person or a physical feature or mockery and ridicule, such as SPH (small penis humiliation). We could delve deeper into the rabbit hole that is verbal humiliation, but I think I will leave it at that. If you are interested in knowing more – do your research.
Make Sure You Are Playing Safe
Whether you are using erotic humiliation within the context of a relationship or just in a play scenario, whether you are the sadist inflicting it or the masochist craving it, you need to make sure that there is a clear set of boundaries solidly put in place. In-depth negotiations are needed before any verbal or physical humiliation play can happen.
A bottom must know their body and the limits it may have, such as their pain threshold or any pre-existing injuries. On the flip side, a Top must be aware of these considerations as well, in addition to having a basic knowledge of human anatomy. No, I am not suggesting you go back to high school science class or to read Grey’s Anatomy. But a cursory look at the where joints, ligaments, and muscles are and their functions is definitely going to make playing safer, and therefore enjoyable. Remember, whatever erotic humiliation is used for, it is meant to enhance, and not be damaging.
The same is true for the verbal aspect of humiliation. A bottom needs to know what they are comfortable with and what may be triggering for them. Again, having a clear path of communication is crucial. They may relish in being called a “slut” or “cum-guzzling bitch” but using the terms “prostitute” or “faggot” may be off-limits. The potential to inflict long lasting emotional harm exists when you are dealing with words. Make sure you stick to the script, never veering too far from words that are similar to the ones given the green light. Avoid words similar in nature to the ones that are off-limits. And again, pay attention to your partners reactions. In the middle of a session, they may not be able to speak up if something has negatively affected them. You may be a sadist but I am hoping you are not a sociopath. You do not want to damage someone in the long term. Causing someone to have no self-esteem or to go to therapy should not be your end goal.