And then learn some more. You can never “know” too much when it comes to your kinky play.
Last week and this week’s Consensually Speaking podcast was a two-parter featuring the wonderful and bad-ass Bad Kitty Bondage. I am not going to get into rope bondage specifics in this week’s blog because the Bad Kitty Bondage website is a goldmine of really good and useful information. Information that is presented in a much better way than I ever could and with much higher authority than I have. If you’re interested in rope bondage, I highly suggest you check out the website BadKittyBondage.com
Now, moving on to what this week’s blog is about. Just like last week, where I put an emphasis on knowing what the hell you were doing when it comes to erotic humiliation, I am now going to drill it into your head that you can’t just pick up a rope, tie someone up and suspend them from your ceiling after reading or watching a few tutorials.
Kink is a very wonderful thing. If you’re truly into the lifestyle, you will (and should) forever be learning and evolving. Things that may have first introduced you into the lifestyle may not be what floats your boat today. Similarly, things you had no interest inpreviously might suddenly pique your interest.
For example, I never really had much interest in bondage of any sort, save maybe to tie a client up for some tease and denial. When I got a chance to meet Midori when she performed at a gay club I worked at in Toronto about six years ago, I was in awe of her performance and thought it magical, sensual, and beautiful. But it wasn’t kink to me, even though I had been in the kink lifestyle for some time at that point. It was merely performance art. Skip to all these years later, and I would have been falling all over her, asking every and all kinds of questions. Because these days, not only am I completely enthralled with rope bondage, I am also starting to learn Shibari.
The thing is, I didn’t go from strictly using rope to tie someone to a chair straight to determining that I was going to do a full-on suspension scene. No, that would be completely irresponsible of me. First, I read all I could about rope bondage from reputable sources online. Note that I said reputable. When these resources only intrigued me that much further, I sought out books to read. Bondage Basics is an excellent resource and so is Shibari You Can Use by Lee Harrington. Once I knew that Bondage was the next step in my kink journey, I sought out local workshops, ones like Bad Kitty Bondage offer (Here is a list of classes they currently offer), and I got hands-on training from those who were deemed experts. No YouTube tutorials for this girl. And while they can be fun to watch, you shouldn’t be learning through them either.
A few quick reminders: always have an open line of communication with your partner. Of course, negotiate what’s a yes, what’s a no, and what’s a maybe before any attempt at restraining your partner. If you’re simply interested in playing a little game of tie-up follow these very basic rules.
- Have an open discussion before the knotting begins.
- Make sure you have a pair of flat safety shears very close by.
- Make sure you aren’t tying the knot too tight. Allow room for two fingers to fit between the rope and your partner’s skin.
- Make sure you are checking that you are not cutting off circulation often. If your partner’s skin is starting to turn white or blue … time to back off.
- Ask your partner regularly if they are comfortable. If they have the feeling of “pins and needles” … time to back off.
- Use only basic knots, such as a ‘French Bowline’ or ‘Texas Handcuffs’
- Never restrict your partner’s air ways – ever.
- Go slow.
It is imperative to fully understand that bondage is never risk free. The more educated you are, the more practice you get, the better and safer you will be able to perform bondage. But the most important thing to remember when you are exploring anything within BDSM/kink/fetish is that you have to keep an open mind. You need to remain open to exploring new experiences. You have to be continuously learning and educating yourself. The moment you think you know all there is to know about something, do some more digging and research. When you are completely 100% comfortable that you are not risking anyone’s health, safety, or life, and only then, should you attempt anything of any substantial risk. Just because you’re “pretty sure” you understand the concept, doesn’t mean you’re an expert and ready for the big time.
And I’ll leave you with this parting thought: the minute you believe you know all there is to know about kink, is the moment you know nothing at all.